Felipe Campos (egoiste) wrote,
Felipe Campos
egoiste

Seventeen things to tell your seventeen-year-old self

ganked from knight_errant  who ganked from better_angel 

1. Be gay Felipe. BE GAY! You have hated your family your whole life for calling you a faggot since you were 4 anyway so you may as well own it.
2. Call Christa McAuliffe and tell her not to get on that space shuttle
3. Call Selena and tell her to fire Yvonne Saldivar.
4. Buy stock in Apple and Microsoft IMMEDIATELY.
5. See a doctor about growth hormone treatment to see if you can get a bigger schwanz than what you wound up with.
6. Do NOT cut off your long hair. The gays hate long hair but one day you'll go bald so enjoy it while you can even though you are hot as a bald man.
7. Take physic and calculus in high school so you wont have to change your major in college cuz you are ill-prepared.
8. Opt to go to Stanford instead of the University of Texas instead of being afraid you'll be too broke to fly home for the holidays.
9. Since you're being gay, start working out and minding your diet. You'll be all set for when the age of the Marky Mark Calvin Klein look sets in. Way ahead of the curve in fact.
10. Do whatever you can to start buying a house right into college because the payments at that young age are pretty much the same (or less than) the cost of an apartment rental
11.  Go ahead and get credit cards to begin a credit history which you'll need later in life but remember that telling yourself you'll just pay it off in full (especially your bar tabs) at the next billing period is a COMPLETE LIE.
12. Learn Arabic and Mandarin in college instead of Spanish. Trust me.
13. Call in a bomb threat on Sept 10th, 2001 to the NYPD.
14. Grandkids will tame the savage beast that is your Dad. Ride it out so that one day you will both like him and love him.  He was raised in a different time.
15. I know it's 1987 Felipe and maybe the word hasnt gotten out yet but seriously. Always use a condom. Always.
16. You will never speak to your high school friends ever again. Even the ones who went to college with you after they too graduate. 
17. Make sure you dont go to that Christmas party at Scholz's Bier Garten so your best friend doesnt die and then you rocket launch yourself into a whole decade of drunkenness that you cant even remember, thereby causing you to get pancreatitis and be unable to drink ever again.
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