Felipe Campos (egoiste) wrote,
Felipe Campos

Something I just keep thinking about

I used to be the uppity lefty for more than a decade before I owned up to being a gay. Then I was an uppity gay. I did the marches. I hosted THE vigil for matthew shepherd for the Capitol of Texas. I protested. I helped create a group for the gays to give them alternatives to butt penetration for sex that didnt necessarily require condoms. I talked about protecting yourself from HIV. I did all the benefits. I volunteered.

All that time, except for the HIV awareness stuff, which my drinking buddies decided to help me with, I did it all. ALL. alone. Just me.

I gnashed my teeth. I spent every other week hating. Well ok, not hate, but I'm dramatic.  I was the disenchanted Gen Xer who was at the same time hopeful things could change but seeming more than realistic about my communities' problems, much less my generation's.  They have called us bitter, my generation. They have called us lazy and disaffected. Affectless even. We've watched our parents sell out all their ideals for HDTV and stock portfolios only to watch it all go into the shitter. We've watched the next generation "kill" Kurt Kobain and fall in love with Britney and Paris Hilton. 

We hurt but we're beyond crying.

We see Obama and are given some respite. He wins. Obama is the President Elect. We smile like the Mona Lisa about it. I don't know if we're really happy or we're taking a let's just wait and see stance. We've seen "fanboys" get caught up in the religions of the New Age, the Ipods, the Myspace and we just don't want to be swept away into this heady sense of YES we can! We'd love to, actually. But we can't.  We'll just wait and see.  Give peace a chance and all that.

All this. ALL this and I see the gays have activated. Now remember for just a minute that during the "All this" I was a drunk. I did all this motivational organizing health conscious sex conscious blah blah blah, all drunk off my ass. No really.

So I'm seeing all these gays in the news, in my facebook, in my emails. They've activated. Activated like sleeper agents from the cold war. The activation words seem to have been "Yes on Prop 8."

And I just want to gnash my teeth again. I want to pluck out my eyes. I want a DRINK.

But what I really want to know, is, WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU? 

It's a day late and a dollar short, my gays. I love you, but you waited til your battle was over.  The vote is in and everybody's gone home. SAN FRANCISCO. San Francisco got about a 50% showing. What does this mean?

Hubris, as my compadre Paddy said to me immediately. Hubris.

Yes, I am the cynic. I am the Gen Xer who seems to only criticize and never own.  I am happy that the gays and their supporters are saying No on h8.  I just wish that you weren't all so late to your parade.

right right. it's never too late to start.  I pray you keep your momentum and get back on the ballot and exercise the same democratic process that lost you your right to marry and reverse it. I pray you don't blame Black people, but lay the blame on the religious right, and on yourselves for taking things for granted.

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